you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
