we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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