Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize