she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize