Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
