when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
