he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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