shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize