Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize