yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
