the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
