I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
