About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
