Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
