Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
