I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
