woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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