I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
