U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
