i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
