remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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