I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
