spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
