just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
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I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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