What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
