I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
