He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
