Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I made him laugh his dick is mine