I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is