how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
