Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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