he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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