Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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