The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
