can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
