yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
