Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
