I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
