If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
