I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
