How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
