My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
