i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
