Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
