That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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