My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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