do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i would punch a child for taco bell
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
