So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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