The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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