she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
