I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You ruined the universe
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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