so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
