put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
