capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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