Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
