Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
