Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
