Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's get the cat blown out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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