i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
