Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
