Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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