He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
