Whats the glycemic index on semen?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.