He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.