When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos