I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
