OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
