so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.