Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth