I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
