Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
