I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
40s are totally the cure
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
