That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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