you have to choose: penises or morals?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
