My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
