so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
