I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
