Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
