Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
