just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
