my mouth tastes like poor choices
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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