happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
