I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
